All of us are born into an imperfect world.
The brain each of us builds will reflect exactly that imperfect world in which we find ourselves. Our brains can only build synapses for and learn the things to which we are exposed. None of us are exposed to all the right knowledge and often what we are exposed to (and learn) is completely wrong.
Therefore, we all build an imperfect or incomplete brain, and although we may be reasonably smart we all have our blind spots: limits to our rationality.
Think of it like being in a prison cell – our limitations keep us ‘stuck’ inside the bars and we have not yet learnt our means of escape.
We try to help ourselves, but we only have one brain. We are not sure what parts of our brain are helpful and which parts are the problem. It’s hard to think outside of ourselves.
In these circumstances, it seems to me that we need to find ourselves a partner in crime, someone who holds our true interests at heart. Someone who loves us and desperately wants to help us escape. A brain outside our own brain, just as we can be a brain outside of theirs.
But this will not be an easy path. Our partner will have to go to battle with our errors and self-lies even though we hold them all as self-evident truths (after all, that’s why we’ve been doing them for so long).
Our partner will have to argue, critique, fight us to the death (a sign of true love!) to shift us from our old, entrenched habits to help free us from our prison.
From this perspective, true love is more about fiercely but lovingly battling it out and less about blandly living happily ever after, without any hope of release.