News Blog

Do it while you can

A common problem that I have seen over and over in my clinical work for the past 25 years is people missing vital windows of opportunity. Basically, people over-estimate how much time they have to do things and then suddenly rush for the deadline only to find it is too late and then they are full of regret. This happens across all aspects of life…

You can lead a horse to water …

The famous saying you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink is very apt when trying to help other people (and especially life-partners) change problematic behaviour. From my decades of work at the Smart Therapy Centre, I am very aware that change requires a willingness to take action on our own behalf.  It requires internal motivation and it cannot be…

Getting Strong Inside

   Often psychologists tell people who are low on self-esteem to simply ‘love’ themselves in order to build resilience and a stronger internal sense of self.  However, after more than 25 years of clinical work at the Smart Therapy Centre, I find this is simply not enough information to guide people in that endeavour. Being told to ‘love’ yourself assumes that we build our sense…

Behaviour Matters

Every time we interact with others, we are training them in how they will treat us in the future.  This goes for both adults and children.  For example, if we need to repetitively ask children to put away their toys, our repetitive behaviour is teaching them to ignore us.  The way this works is that we ask politely at first, but then with each subsequent…

A NEW BEGINNING

If there is one clear thing that I have learnt in over 20 years of clinical work at the Smart Therapy Centre it is this:  in the end, you are the ONLY person who can call yourself to account. You can lie and pretend to yourself until the cows come home but ultimately the buck stops with you. It doesn’t matter what others say or…

Family stress at Christmas

  Although the weeks leading up to Christmas can be wonderful, catching up with old and new friends and celebrating with work colleagues, sometimes Christmas Day itself can be difficult and even heart-wrenching. This is often because families have old, unresolved wounds that can result in all sorts of tensions.  These tensions can be bad enough that family members become so alienated that they end…

Desperate and unnecessary fighting tactics

It may surprise you to know that bothaggressive people and compliant people are scared to death of conflict and tryto avoid it, albeit by using different strategies.  This is intuitive with compliant people who clearly shy away from conflict, but completely counter-intuitive with aggressive people who always seem to be getting into the ring to smash up others and themselves in the process. But what…

What if… my anxiety comes back?!!!

I find in my clinical work that when people get over their anxiety by stopping paying it any attention there is almost always a period a few weeks later where a scary thought threatens to derail their progress. It usually goes like this.  ‘Wow, I can’t believe how great I feel since I stopped paying any attention to my anxiety – I’ve had no anxiety…

With just a little help and kindness…

Often in my work I see couples locked into bitter hatred of each other.  It becomes vengeful with neither party remembering who started the war but both parties keeping on fighting it. I find that it nearly always helps to introduce a couple of circuit-breakers.  Firstly, I ask couples to simply do several un-solicited acts of kindness every week for their partner and, in return…

Button your lip about anxiety

I have often talked about the importance of stopping paying attention to anxiety mentations.  But I know from my 25 years of clinical work that many people don’t realise that this means not only stopping an internal dialogue with themselves about their anxiety (like ‘OMG! I might panic if I do that’) but also stopping any dialogue with other people about their anxiety. So, to…