News Blog

Time for tears …. but then take charge

We often avoid crying because it makes us feel vulnerable and opens us up to self-reflection and examination of our own behaviours and their consequences.  Many people are terrified (unbeknown to them) of facing their errors and taking proper responsibility for mistakes.  This is because deep down, these people believe they cannot cope with facing their mistakes, as though the distress might never stop and might drag them into a hole from which they cannot escape.  In fact, facing our pain and taking appropriate responsibility for events in our lives can be even more scary than deflecting for months or…

Age Enhances Intimacy

  People often have the mistaken view that great sex only happens in youth and deteriorates with age.  But very often the reverse is true.  Younger people are frequently unsure and frightened of sex – having not had much practice.  They also experience considerable social pressure to rush in and be physically intimate with partners before they have built adequate psychological intimacy.   In my work as a clinical psychologist for 25+ years, I have seen the significant problems that can arise when people get ‘physical’ too early.  For example, it often leads to difficulty with desire, arousal, performance and…

Know Your Vision

    We have to know where we are heading in order to take the right path! In my decades of work as a clinical psychologist at the Smart Therapy Centre, I often see people who have lost their way.  This usually happens because ‘everyday life’ can easily distract us from our bigger goals and before we know it – time has passed and it is too late!    In order to prevent this scenario, it is important to regularly ask yourself where you intend to be in 1, 2, 5 and 10 years.  Write these goals down and keep…

Keeping our dignity with age

  In my work as a clinical psychologist, I’ve noticed that older people get a tough time in our society – especially women!  Over and over older people are portrayed in photographs and media as insipid, stupid and deferential, unable to carry a conversation except with small children. This depiction is contemptuous and deeply prejudicial.  Yet, there are three significant reasons it occurs that need to be addressed.  Firstly, it happens because appearance (especially youthful) is over-valued as an attribute and everyone ages over time.  However, appearance is tremendously over-valued in women who are often socialised to regard their ‘unblemished’…

Re-invent Yourself!

You might think that it’s not easy to re-invent yourself especially with the same DNA!  But in reality, it can be done with some determination and conviction. I’ve found in my 25+ years work as an author, director, developer and clinical psychologists at the Smart Therapy Centre that people often fail to realise that they can change themselves psychologically even at very profound levels. We don’t have to be boxed into old, obsolete categories and versions of ourselves.  In fact, whenever we want to, we can decide who we would most like to be, and this change can be achieved…

Let Your Vulnerability Shine Through

Over the decades in my work as a clinical psychologist at the Smart Therapy Centre, I have often seen people who have been put on medication for anxiety or depression following stressful life events (SLEs) like separation, divorce, job loss or exam failure. Luckily most people don’t experience SLEs often in life, but sadly, sometimes things do go wrong.  Still it is important to remember that SLEs occur for everyone, and as such they need to be viewed as a completely normal part of our lives even though they are distressing at the time.  In other words, there is no…

You Can Do It, If You Really Want!

  Diving in the first few times is hard, but after a while it just becomes fun! In my decades of work as a director, developer, author and clinical psychologist at the Smart Therapy Centre I have found that it is not easy to get people to take the plunge into unknown waters!  But if we want to survive life well and be the best we can, then taking the plunge and continually learning new skills is not just exciting but absolutely essential! In fact, I would say that almost every person I have ever seen in my clinical work…

Show Your True Self

  Sometimes it’s hard to be brave!  In my 25+ years of work as a clinical psychologist at the Smart Therapy Centre I notice that people especially struggle when they have come from a difficult background that has eroded their confidence and led to self-doubt. But the reality is that other people also have limitations (often severe) yet there are many who manage to achieve success despite their rocky start in life.  It is because of our subjective experience of self-doubt (where we feel flat and unmotivated) that it is very easy to over-estimate our own limitations and hide away…

‘Own’ your True Power!

Since the 1970’s women are taking the reins of power much more frequently, but the process is slower than many of us would ever have anticipated and self-made women are still barely represented on ‘rich lists’ or company boards. To the extent that women have been successful, it is often attributed to their powerful communication skills and the fact that they are socialised to be excellent at the suite of ‘soft’ skills that are so necessary in management and leadership today.  Yet, women continue to struggle with the skills around mental toughness, initiative and autonomy that are more heavily socialised…

Muscle up to Success

Most people want to be successful.  We see celebrities 24/7 in the media, and it is easy to think that it just happens. But this is rarely the case.  Success requires many skills and hard work.  While many people do the hard work, they will usually fail to progress if they lack essential skills.  The trouble is that it is not always obvious which skills are necessary and which pathways to take.  One of my clients who wanted a powerful career but who had come from a difficult background said initially that she felt like she was ‘missing half the…